Day 95- Roz smileConditions were perfect today – if I wanted to go west. I could have made 40 miles to the good. But unfortunately more west is the last thing I want, so I have spent the whole day with the sea anchor out. The oars have lain idle, and I’ve finished the day further away from Tuvalu than I was at the start. I wonder if Neptune didn’t like my equatorial offerings. Perhaps Ginger Snap isn’t his favorite flavor Larabar, because he was not being generous to me today.

It’s ironic. Today I have been listening to “The Astonishing Power of Emotions” by Esther and Jerry Hicks. They are talking about aligning with your better self – the idea is that when we want something, we only have to allow it to happen. The universe WANTS our wishes to be granted. When we allow this fulfillment of our desires to take place, we feel good. When we resist, we feel bad.

And the analogy they use is a canoe on a river – and they urge their listeners to “let go of the oars” and go with the flow.

As I sit here on the sea anchor, resisting the strong tradewinds that are trying to push me west, this analogy seems either too apt – or not apt at all. I’m all in favor of going with the flow – but which flow am I meant to be going with? The natural flow of the tradewinds heading west, or the man-made flow that is drawing me towards Tuvalu?

I really appreciate all the comments urging me to focus on the positive, take it as it comes, etc. It’s all fine in theory, and knowing myself as I do I know that they will eventually filter through into my attitudes and thinking. But just at the moment, as I come up on 100 days on the ocean and with no end in sight, it’s sometimes a struggle to put it into practice. Today I have been a total grouch. Nothing more you guys can do – apart from keeping the encouragement coming. And allow me my pity party for now. With your help, I’ll get through it. I just need to keep my head together and keep on pushing.

[Photo: I’m told that when you smile, the smiling muscles actually interact with your emotions and make you feel better. So here I am, giving it a try. Hmmm, not convinced. Another bottle of bubbly would probably be more effective!]

Other Stuff:

I’ve tried to stay busy today so as not to get too introspective, but there isn’t an awful lot to do on a 23-foot rowboat. I scrubbed the decks, and tried once again to fix the watermaker but was unsuccessful. I edited and uploaded a video of my Equatorial celebrations for tomorrow’s video RozCast on YouTube (with me performing traditional ocean dance…!). It was too hot in the cabin to spend much time in there, so I mostly lay on deck in the shade of my bimini between my rowing seat runners and listened to Jerry Hicks. Lying on the deck is not super-comfortable, especially now I’m a bit more bony than I was at the start of the voyage, but it’s not bad if I manage to arrange my limbs in just the right way around the runners and the rowing seat. I had to duck into the cabin from time to time to avoid sudden rainshowers, but otherwise it was quite pleasant – when I managed to forget the fact that I was heading the wrong way.

Thank you for all the really fab comments on my last blog. They seriously cheered me up – a much-needed tonic. Especially liked the idea about having Johnny Depp greet me in Tuvalu – now THAT would be a powerful motivator! Although he may not be that impressed by a semi-starved, grimy, sea-spotty waif with matted hair pitching up on the beach. Where is a floating salon when I need one?!

Great to see comments coming in from the people in Tuvalu. I’ll be with you just as soon as I can. Please reach out across these last miles and reel me in!

UncaDoug – I really appreciate the trail of carrots scattered across the ocean. Bit I wonder if you could let me know where they are? Maybe by latitude would be easiest? There might be some nights when the prospect of an upcoming carrot motivates me to spend a bit longer at the oars!

Weather report:

Position at 1950 HST: 00 22.169S, 178 49.774E
Wind: 20kts ESE
Seas: short, steep wind waves about 6ft
Weather: sunshine and showers

38 Comments

  • Ahoy Roz!
    Markus here.

    It’s 2:09AM California time, and I’m off to catch the Airporter to SFO — on my way to Wisconsin. You are obviously in need of some extra UMPH, so I shall enlist in my little niece Eleanor’s magical powers. Time for me to get her in the “Mini-Brocade”, and work up some helpful incantations — she’s good at that.

    Sending you a whole boatload of love and grace, my dear.

    Markus & Eleanor

  • Hey Roz,
    Sorry not to have left you messages before. I somehow felt that everyone else was saying what I was thinking. But now I add my bellows to the chorus that is echoing around the world…Go Girl!
    And to echo Markus’s message, I send you inspiration from my little Freya. I can imagine your frustration when I watch her reach out for something, but she can only crawl backwards, away from the object! I do know that with practise and time, the forward motion is not far away….not sure if the comparison works….but you get the sentiment!
    lots of love from us in Exeter
    Daisy, Jonathan and Freya xxx

  • Well, the gods may be speaking. Going with the flow may be what you are destined to do, no matter what. As you get further south, the winds and tide may push you east! Only time will tell. Keep up the faith that you will end up where you are destined to be…which may not always be where we think that we should go at any given time! Getting the water maker going is a priority, I think, then you can go almost anywhere. How is the manual one doing??

  • Good to see our comments are of some use. Apart from throwing money they are about the best we can do. Avoiding the showers (?) are they those heavy stinging tropical types? … would have thought a free shower would be welcome with the heat. Cheer and keep on pulling. … By the way it’s a pretty good “I need a hug” smile so here’s hoping the comments provide the hug you need. Jim Bell Australia.

  • It’s tough but I guess, to a degree, it’s a ‘waiting’ game as well as a ‘trying’ game. Don’t wear yourself out; that won’t help. Steady, persistent, and consistent application is the key. Think ‘sustainable’.

  • Hi Roz, not sure if this will help or not, but I sense your frustration around a seeming ‘lack of progress’ or as you put it ‘rowing all day just to stand still. Perhaps now would be a good time to contemplate that great question ‘Is time just an illusion?’. Whilst we can all imagine the future and remember the past, only the ‘now’ actually exists and by the time we have grasped the ‘now’ it’s already become the past! The theory that time passes slower for a child and faster as one gets older because a child is constantly experiencing new experiences for the first time and each moment of ‘now’ is a greater proportion of a child’s total life than an older person is interesting. That means that one can actually slow down time by increasing one’s exposure to new events! Ironically, time seems to fly if one is absorbed in new and interesting activities whereas it seems to drag when doing uninteresting or repeated things! I think it’s vital that you keep concentrating on the future events on your timeline and stop worrying about the ‘now’ and recent past events. That also ties in well with your theory of making the future happen by seeing it clearly in your mind. I hope that’s not all too muddled and gives you some interesting pondering to keep your mind occupied! Best wishes, Steve

  • Ok Roz, You’re making me work for this, eh!? I’ll bite …
    Turn about is fair play, so here are the carrot drop latitudes.

    Each bunch of carrot$ will be $cattered $outhward equidistant
    4 nautical miles apart when you reach these latitudes:

    _Actual_ . . . _Easy to Remember_
    -00 34, say -00 30 … 23 carrot$
    -02 01, say -02 00 … 23 carrot$
    -03 28, say -03 30 … 23 carrot$
    -04 54, say -05 00 … 23 carrot$
    -06 21, say -06 30 … 23 carrot$
    -07 48, say -08 00 … 23 carrot$
    -08 31, say -08 30 … Tuvalu bonus pot o’ golden carrot$

    Dear Rozlings, a wider trail of carrot$ might help Roz $ee better.
    Get your $upply of carrot$ to $catter at the carrot $tore.
    Then just to$$ ’em out in front of her and Roz will know which way to go ;-D

  • Oh, one more thing, Roz … I did not give specific carrot drop locations before because your destination was yet undecided at that initial inspirational moment when I came up with the forward looking carrot concept, so I figured you’d imagine where they were and head in the appropriate direction. But you are right, now that you have decided, it’ s best to have well defined highly vi$ible carrot$ … and if you decide on another course, of course the carrot$ will be there too. Go with the flow, whichever flow suits you ;-D

  • Hi Roz,

    I preordered your book at Amazon to support your efforts to get to an island. I bought some Larabars because of your mouthwatering comments.

    I don’t care which island you land on, just keep talking about Tuvalu to keep them in the limelight. I am looking forward to meeting you when your book tour stops in Seattle.

    Dave

  • hi roz,been following sarah outens progress across the indian ocean and latterly became aware of your equally amazing effort which i will follow henceforth,first going to catch up on previous posts,wishing you well in the meantime!
    regards
    ian

  • Oh hi, it’s Texino. Personally-which is all that matters-I feel that if you fall into struggling explorer mode, you will do better. You have done the adversity gig before, so just stay with that and pull on the oars when possible. I am nearly 434 in dog’s years which means I have been through a large part of life where people got along without motivational coaches unless we count team sports. At the BS about finding yourself is of no use when the situation is critical to the point that. you either row that boat to TV or you die in some way (your expedition fails or you croak) Expedition failure would be the better option than death and you could easily have to terminate the row due to a severe case of Embarrassment of the Buttocks and no one would doubt the sincerity of your action. Keep it in mind.(beats a fractured wrist by half) I find that it is very important to me that you get your butt safely on a barstool ASAP. Do your best.

  • “As I sit here on the sea anchor, resisting the strong tradewinds that are trying to push me west, this analogy seems either too apt – or not apt at all. I’m all in favor of going with the flow – but which flow am I meant to be going with? The natural flow of the tradewinds heading west, or the man-made flow that is drawing me towards Tuvalu?”
    ————
    Perhaps there is an important message in all what you are doing both physically and spiritually Roz. The earth, air, water and fire are all living elements and energies of the Divine. Most people take those elements for granted. They don’t see them as what they truly are. They are truly a gift. The problem with our environment is that most people don’t work with it, in fact they work against them which is what brought you to do what are out there trying to make so many aware of.

  • You proclaimed at the beginning of this leg that you would be “one very happy woman” if you made it across the equator on this leg.
    There you are ! You’ve made it south and arcoss 180.

  • Once there was a girl named Roz,
    Who rowed the Pacific for a cause,
    She bid Hawaii “Toodle Loo!”,
    She’ll say “Aloha!” to Tuvalu

  • I follow a creed Roz….do as your heart desire but not at the expense of others (including yourself).
    I am in full agreement with Teximo Tomas, no one would be in doubt the sincerity of your actions if you decided to change your course of action. The most important thing is your health and well being. I am willing to bet money on it that Neptune would want that for you as well.

  • Just sitting here recollecting that “Total Eclipse Dark Ale” I enjoyed under the quarter moon thinking about Roz on a balmy summer eve, sky black as tar, gentle warm breeze, ale tepid and chocolaty … out of the darkness came the familiar “Ehh, What’s up Doc?” and there appears that waskely wabbit munching on one of my carrot$, then appears Superman dressed up in a banjo playing hula girl costume, or verse vice. I woke up and fell into a dream. And what Superman said more than half way made sense … little jewels of wisdom shining brilliantly and luckily in a sky of diamonds: “you get your butt safely on a barstool ASAP. Do your best.”

    Loony Tunes come to life …. abbity abbity abbity That’s all folks! What he said!

  • Contemplating Progress
    Do take this time to reflect on your achievements.
    Our inner instinct and thoughts often divide us with self doubt. See Roz, you should take this opportunity to relax, rest up, and clear your mind.
    Freeing the inner spirit. Call it your Captain Free Day. The exciting thing is we cannot foresee or (for-sea)…. lol destiny.

    Please don’t measure each and every day by success or failure.
    Remember the big picture.
    Like a humpback whale we know you’ll find your pod.
    Were all cheering you on.

  • I know you’re getting more advice than you want, but I just want to echo some things that Doug, and Nancy, and Texino, and John Kay, and Colin, and others have been saying the last few days. Ultimately, your goal is to cross the Pacific. Period. That’s the goal. Everything else is flexible. All the other places and things are “interim goals” enroute to the main goal. And the interim goals should always be looked at as being “flexible”, considering the vagaries of time and space and weather and currents and all that. We always have many more options than we think we do, and we tend to lock ourselves into things that limit our courses of action. It would seem to me that the only real argument “against” Tarawa would be if constantly prevailing currents and winds made it very unlikely that you could get out of there in 2010 to head south to Australia. If so, keep pushing south for Tuvalu or Vanuatu or wherever. Otherwise, Tarawa is a viable option for this year. But in the macro sense, your goal is the Pacific Ocean, and absolutely everything else is flexible.

    And one other thought. It’s easy for us to sit behind our computer screens, in our comfortable chairs, and offer advice as to what you should do. But you’re the on-scene captain of this ship, the one with the experience and skills and full understanding of the environment and weather and situation. Whatever YOU decide to do, is the RIGHT decision, given all the circumstances out there. And you will find us 100% supportive of whatever you want to do. (PS: And if you need more Larabars, or a water-maker, or whatever, we’ll figure out a way to make that happen, also.)

  • Dear Roz,i think you are my inspiration for sure.
    To accomplize what you have done,and will again when you reach Tuvala is just great.
    I am trying to overcome the death of my soulmate ,and husband for 31 years.
    Every day is a new day with lifes problems to solve every one in their own way.
    So lets try very much to be positive,and keep an eye on one’s goal.
    One will not fail,just keep on going.

    Take good care,you look wonderful indeed.

    greetings Magda.

  • You go girl!!! We here in NJ are rooting for you, and know that conditions will soon be in your favor! You are so totally almost there!!! Eat some more, eat some more, the caloric depletion plays havoc with your head and body. You are one hell of a strong woman, and we are counting on you to reach your goal!!! More articles are coming out all the time in the mainstream media about the damages we are inflicting on the majority portion of the planet in a variety of ways. If you can row, we can surely do what we can do to make things better for our watery world, ourselves, and our children. Our health, our security, and our future depend on turning things around. Thank you, thank you Roz, for inspiring us! Row on!!

  • Try asking Neptune what you did wrong and offer to make up for it. And don’t get frustrated, odds are you will be wailing for this when this is all over.

    Remember to eat. I remember being on the Appalachian trail and how hard it would get if I did not take measures to ensure that I took good care of myself. At least you are not suffering from mosquitoes. That’s one thing to be happy about. And leave the poor Booby alone, you are in his house. Who know, you might learn something from them. I am learning from the white tailed deer who are eating my garden. The best ways to keep them out of my garden, to be exact (leeks!).

  • Hi Roz,
    Glad you have switched hemispheres. the Jeep is still ready for you when you return to Los Angeles. Keep exercising the smile muscles,
    Warmest regards,
    Steve

  • Hi Roz,

    Just be where you are right now. Take a small rest in preparation for the final push. The wind will change, this much I trust!

    Cece

  • My Dear Roz…Perhaps your current adversity and challenge is what this journey is all about? As hard as it is now, it might also be the moment in time that ultimately will mean the most to you in the future. How many of us ever earn the chance to face such an opponent with so much on the line?

  • If I’d seen the photo before reading the blog, I’d say you had been mischievously caught by your mom smoking in the toilet. A kind of “Ok, folks, I really tried, but I just couldn`t help taking a somoke”

    And it’s ok, Rosita… You just an´t fight against stronger forces… You just have to wait for better circumstances to come around, so it’s ok for you to drop the sea anchor and relax untill the wind goes abates. Then, Row like hell to the Southeast! Like they were chasing you! That is waht all the rozlings do when you tell them when!

    Cheer up, Rosita, recover strength and then,

    ROW! ROW! ROW! your Boat…
    Gently down the stream.
    Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
    Life is but a dream.

    I learnt this song sixty years ago in Grammar School…
    Just change the stream for the ocean…

    ALEJO, Medellín, Colombia..

  • Roz, I love your rendition of “Hawaii 50” on your Equator Crossing RozCast Week 14. You are so happy!
    Watch out, if “Hawaii 50” star Jack Lord gets wind of this, he will pay a special visit, of this I am certain.

    You will not get to enjoy this rousing rendition now, but wait ’til you make land fall! Nicole will have to load it onto an iPod for you in Tuvalu. For your safety, don’t listen to this onboard Brocade whilst at sea!

  • Roz, you are cuter than hell. Just saw your equator video, don’t know how you do it. Your dance made me smile. All that time alone, facing crazy making daily struggles and you are still bright as a ray of sunshine. You are the poster girl for tenacity and good spirits.
    Having an occasional bout of the grumps is encouraging for us mere mortals witnessing all this.
    You’re already a winner. Look at how many people you have inspired. The particulars of where you land really don’t matter, outside of leaving you in a desirable location for the next phase.
    You’re pursuing the challenge you set for yourself with total guts, heart and soul. That bright spark is already changing the world “climate”.
    It would actually be a very “green” choice to harness the energy out there and let it work for you, wherever it leads you, rather than fighting to conquer IT. Your own energy IS exhaustible. I agree with the bar stool sentiment, get you butt on it asap! Just remember……..you’re already a Winner.

  • Hi Roz, I just received a job listing from Patagonia for a Director of Social and Environmental Responsibility. The title sounds like fun, but it involves social (labor) and environmental (how raw materials are produced) impact research on where they source their products and materials from. I’m thinking that’s not me. How about you? I think it’s fantastic they have a position that does that!

    Hang in there sweetheart. Remember that this leg of your journey is probably going to turn out to be much easier than getting to shore on the east coast of Oz.

    This part of the journey is where you can be the most inspiring. If we followers can just spread the word a bit more….. -Sindy

  • Oh, Roz! Thank you for all that you are doing to save our beautiful seas. Keep the courage! You are a bright shining star!

  • http://www.wunderground.com/wundermap/?lat=-2.67000008&lon=176.83000183&zoom=8&pin=Arorae%2c%20Kiribati&type=hyb&rad=0&wxsn=0&svr=0&cams=0&sat=1&sat.num=1&sat.spd=25&sat.opa=85&sat.gtt1=109&sat.gtt2=108&sat.type=VIS&riv=0&mm=0&hur=0

    Looking at the satellite images on the link above,it appears the wind has shifted a few degrees..more from the east?
    I am worried Roz about your situation with water and food.
    Do you have a backup for your watermaker ? How much food and fresh water do you have ?

  • “Wherever you go, there you are.”

    Making a change, being public about it, standing tall and living with it. These are marks of a hero(ine) so good for you!

    September 9th. Woohoo!!!

    Enjoy your days of solitude.
    Laurey in Asheville

  • Hello Roz,
    I’m wishing you all the best in your incredible and impressive journey. I’ve been watching you for sometime and I remain in awe of your feat, generosity, persistence, and determination. Keep going and keep the faith. Thank you for making my day.
    Cliff

  • Hi Roz,
    Love that smile! And your dogged determination. Know all of us here at National Geo are routing for you and can’t wait to see the blog that shows you chugging your favorite beer! What is your favorite beer anyway? Because I want to make sure we have plenty here at NG HQ when you come to speak in October. Congrats on impressing Sarah and Greg. Its no easy feat to be chosen as a premiere speaker for our Nat Geo Explorers series. Not as hard as rowing across the frigging Pacific, but still a worthy accomplishment.

    Praying for a mighty wind in the direction that suits you best dear,

    Laurin

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