When I set out across the Atlantic, I had set myself a target of rowing for 16 hours a day, every day. When tendonitis set in within the first week, causing a grinding pain in my shoulders whenever I rowed, I used this as a reason (or excuse?) to cut short my hours – but then gave myself a hard time for not living up to my expectations.

For heaven’s sake. Rowing ONLY twelve hours a day. What a slacker, hey?!

Roz on the Atlantic in 2005

And there was another problem too. I’d promised everybody I was going to do the Atlantic, and have fun in the process. I didn’t want to be one of these whinging adventurers who decides to do something and then spends every minute complaining about how uncomfortable, unpleasant, and generally unenjoyable it is. I was convinced that with a sufficiently positive mental attitude I could enjoy just about everything.

But even I was hard pushed to find the joy in the moment when I was in pain, the weather was appalling, all my equipment was breaking, and progress was frustratingly slow. And to make it worse, I regarded my lack of joy as a failure in itself. I’d said I was going to have a good time, so to be miserable was failing to live up to my self-imposed objective.

My shoulders and backside hurt, all of my oars had broken, it was officially the worst year for Atlantic weather since records began, and I was stuck out there for 103 days. And I don’t think it’s fun? Well, DUH!!!

So let’s talk about realistic goal-setting. I have a terrible tendency to be over-ambitious, and like perfectionism, this can be counter-productive. Now I’ve learned the value of a quick win. Much better to set a small and eminently achievable goal to start off with. Then achieve it and give myself a pat on the back. “Well done, Roz, great start! Now for something a little more challenging” – and to build it up that way. Nothing succeeds like success, and nothing is more conducive to quitting altogether than setting the bar too high and setting myself up for failure from the get-go.

I’ve also had to learn how to stay on track for my own objectives. Through a complicated set of circumstances I ended up doing the Atlantic as a competitor in a race, rather than as an independent expedition. I didn’t like this. Even though the other crews were comprised of 2 or 4 people, so were bound to be faster than me, a little vestige of competitive instinct meant that I hated being left behind.

Then one day I found in my cabin some laminated sheets that I had prepared before the start of the race, with various quotes of inspiration and wisdom. This line, from Desiderata (copied in full at the end of this blog), leaped out at me:

If you compare yourself to others you may become vain and bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

It reminded me that I was out there to find out what I was capable of, not what the other crews could do. My goal had never been to be first or fastest, but simply to get to know myself better through pitting myself against this enormous challenge. And I was achieving that, no matter what position I finished in the race.

To sum up:

- Be realistic. Over-ambition leads to failure and self-recrimination.

- Nothing succeeds like success. Create interim milestones and mini-successes to have more occasions for celebration.

- Be clear about your objectives in any undertaking. Stay true to yourself and measure your success only against your own criteria.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly,

and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself to others you may become vain and bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your career however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself, especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love;

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years gracefully,

surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture the strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be;

and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace with your soul.

With all its shams, drudgery and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

(Max Ehrmann)