Signing books in San Diego

Phewee. I’m only just now drawing breath after the whirlwind that was my speaking tour of the US and Canada, so I’m taking a break from this series of motivational blogs to say some well-deserved thank yous.

You might recall that a few months ago I put out the word on this blog that I wanted to travel around North America, with the dual purpose of getting my environmental message out there and raising funds for the Indian Ocean row. A dozen brave souls stepped up to the plate, and many, many emails later (largely coordinated by my long-suffering mother) we had ourselves a tour.

I’m not sure any of us knew quite what we were getting ourselves into. I had never organised a tour before, and neither had anybody else. It was the blind leading the blind in many ways, but as with ocean rowing, it can be good NOT to know at the outset just how challenging it is going to be, or else we’d think of a hundred reasons not to do it.

Miraculously, with an enormous amount of hard work, the tour came together, and resulted in a 12-city, 30-event extravaganza lasting just over 5 weeks. I spoke in front of over 4,000 people (not including unknown numbers on webcasts). I travelled nearly 20,000 miles and slept in 27 different beds. And we raised a total of nearly $30,000 towards the $50,000 I need for the Indian Ocean.

I don’t know how I will ever repay the incredible kindness, energy, and dedication to the cause demonstrated by my incredible team of event organisers. They have built up some seriously good karma points, and I hope to repay their faith in me by succeeding in next year’s mission to row across the Indian Ocean.

I’d like to share a few photos – and memories – of the tour, so you can join with me to bask in the afterglow.

Joan-in-Atlanta-in-a-dress

When other fundraising efforts fell on stony ground, Joan donned a dress to raise the funds to make it worth my while to come to Atlanta. Apparently the first time she had worn a dress in about 20 years. Talk about getting outside your comfort zone!

Joan, I appreciate your sacrifice.

Joan in more usual attire

With Rozta' Bill, also in Atlanta

With Kappy in Asheville

One of the nicest things about the tour was the chance to connect with friends old and new – I met Rozta’ Bill for the first time in Atlanta, and in Asheville a blast from the past – Kappy Griffith, who I rowed with in the Oxford University Women’s Boat Club squad, half a lifetime ago.

Rochelle Poulson in Dallas

Rochelle first started following my blog to give her inspiration through her marathon training. Then she continued following it after she was diagnosed with breast cancer, as she took her chemotherapy and surgery “one oarstroke at a time”. Now cancer-free, she drove from Austin to Dallas (about 3.5 hours) to meet me. Her attitude to her illness has always been that it is a gift, sent to bring good things to her life that wouldn’t otherwise have transpired.

A film about her experience is in production – called “Cancerpants” to reflect her refusal to be a victim. I can’t wait to see it.

TSA Dallas with the "stolen" laptop

All smiles now, but it was the longest 30 mins of my life when my precious MacBook was accidentally misappropriated by another passenger at airport security in Dallas. Fortunately the perpetrator was a big fan of the TED Talks, and recognised my desktop photo (my arrival in Hawaii in 2008) as soon as he opened my laptop. He then found my phone number in my Addressbook application and called me. I didn’t know whether to thank him, or kill him!

San Diego book signing at the Birch Aquarium

With Margaret Lydecker of NYC Green Drinks, and Naomi-in-NY

The danger of listing thank yous is that I will miss somebody out. No doubt I have – and if so, please forgive me. In more or less chronological order, I would like to express my heartfelt and eternal gratitude to:

Angela Hey in Portola Valley

Anna Cummins and her parents in Santa Monica

Jim Salzman and Cindy Van Dover at Duke University

Laurey Masterton in Asheville

Bill Burgess in Greenville

Joan Sherwood and Cindy Abel in Atlanta

Sam Jones and Kathryn Andree in Dallas

Mary Kadzielski, Shaw Thacher and Doug DeMark in Washington DC

Jay Gosuico, Doug Grandt, Reuben Hechanova, Aenor Sawyer, Jamis MacNiven, Betsy Rosenberg and Zenia Laporte at Unique in San Francisco, Sacramento and the Bay Area

Susan Bartlett and Roger Friesen in Vancouver

Timothy Ray and Robert Kibble in San Diego

Kevin Doheny in Minneapolis

Buffy Redsecker, Margaret Lydecker, Jon Stryker and Slobodan Randjelovic in New York

Plus the innumerable others who toiled behind the scenes to make this happen – including, of course, aforesaid Long Suffering Mother!

And, finally, a huge thank you to each and every person who came to my presentations – for the love, the energy, and of course the financial contributions. I hope you came away energised and inspired, and will go forth as footsoldiers into the world to spread those ripples of positive change.

And here endeth the Oscars speech!

When I set out across the Atlantic, I had set myself a target of rowing for 16 hours a day, every day. When tendonitis set in within the first week, causing a grinding pain in my shoulders whenever I rowed, I used this as a reason (or excuse?) to cut short my hours – but then gave myself a hard time for not living up to my expectations.

For heaven’s sake. Rowing ONLY twelve hours a day. What a slacker, hey?!

Roz on the Atlantic in 2005

And there was another problem too. I’d promised everybody I was going to do the Atlantic, and have fun in the process. I didn’t want to be one of these whinging adventurers who decides to do something and then spends every minute complaining about how uncomfortable, unpleasant, and generally unenjoyable it is. I was convinced that with a sufficiently positive mental attitude I could enjoy just about everything.

But even I was hard pushed to find the joy in the moment when I was in pain, the weather was appalling, all my equipment was breaking, and progress was frustratingly slow. And to make it worse, I regarded my lack of joy as a failure in itself. I’d said I was going to have a good time, so to be miserable was failing to live up to my self-imposed objective.

My shoulders and backside hurt, all of my oars had broken, it was officially the worst year for Atlantic weather since records began, and I was stuck out there for 103 days. And I don’t think it’s fun? Well, DUH!!!

So let’s talk about realistic goal-setting. I have a terrible tendency to be over-ambitious, and like perfectionism, this can be counter-productive. Now I’ve learned the value of a quick win. Much better to set a small and eminently achievable goal to start off with. Then achieve it and give myself a pat on the back. “Well done, Roz, great start! Now for something a little more challenging” – and to build it up that way. Nothing succeeds like success, and nothing is more conducive to quitting altogether than setting the bar too high and setting myself up for failure from the get-go.

I’ve also had to learn how to stay on track for my own objectives. Through a complicated set of circumstances I ended up doing the Atlantic as a competitor in a race, rather than as an independent expedition. I didn’t like this. Even though the other crews were comprised of 2 or 4 people, so were bound to be faster than me, a little vestige of competitive instinct meant that I hated being left behind.

Then one day I found in my cabin some laminated sheets that I had prepared before the start of the race, with various quotes of inspiration and wisdom. This line, from Desiderata (copied in full at the end of this blog), leaped out at me:

If you compare yourself to others you may become vain and bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

It reminded me that I was out there to find out what I was capable of, not what the other crews could do. My goal had never been to be first or fastest, but simply to get to know myself better through pitting myself against this enormous challenge. And I was achieving that, no matter what position I finished in the race.

To sum up:

- Be realistic. Over-ambition leads to failure and self-recrimination.

- Nothing succeeds like success. Create interim milestones and mini-successes to have more occasions for celebration.

- Be clear about your objectives in any undertaking. Stay true to yourself and measure your success only against your own criteria.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly,

and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself to others you may become vain and bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your career however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself, especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love;

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years gracefully,

surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture the strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be;

and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace with your soul.

With all its shams, drudgery and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

(Max Ehrmann)

When the idea to row across oceans first popped into my head, my first reaction was, “That’s perfect! This is the project I’ve been looking for!”

My second reaction was, “I can’t possibly. There’s no way. I’m just a management consultant.”

Roz uses Things for iPhone to administer To Do lists

But then I reached the dangerous stage of thinking, “Well, hypothetically, supposing I was going to row across an ocean, what would I need to do? Who would I ask about it? What books would I read? What courses would I take? What would I need to buy? How much money would I need?”

So I wrote a list. It was a very long list, but when I had finished it and looked at each of the items, none of them seemed too impossible. And the whole project started to seem frighteningly do-able.

I still take the same approach. I’ve always been a list-maker, and to be honest, I don’t know how anybody ever gets anything done without them. Whenever starting a new project, I make a list of everything I need to do. I use the Things application (by Cultured Code) to manage my To Do lists on MacBook and iPhone, so that I can capture ideas whenever they occur to me. There are lots of other apps that are also good – Omnifocus is another one. Or even a notebook and pen. The main thing is to never underestimate the power of making a list.

If anything on the list seems too big and daunting, it means I haven’t broken it down into small enough steps. I often find that something sits around on my To Do list for a while, nagging at me but mysteriously remaining undone. It helps break the cycle of procrastination if I take a closer look at it and figure out the very first tiny action that will contribute to getting it done. It often turns out that I am lacking some vital information or need input from somebody else. Once that first tiny action appears as a separate item on the To Do list, I get past the blockage and the whole job gets checked off. As the saying goes, a job begun is a job half done.

But then I still suffered a major wobble when I got out onto the ocean. 3,000 miles suddenly seemed like an awfully long way. For a while I was quite dispirited, skipping shifts on the faulty logic that with so many miles to go, a few less each day wouldn’t make much difference. But it does. It all adds up – just as a few extra miles each day would have done. Once I got into a regular routine, the shirking stopped and the miles started to tick down. Routine helps me from asking myself whether I want to do something or not, which so often is not a helpful question. Best just to get on and do it. Anything can be achieved with the 3 Ds – Discipline, Determination and Dedication.

I’ve learned a lot from the Queen of Getting Things Done – my mother. She has an ability to buckle down and get on with things that I can only marvel at. There are some monumental tasks – and monumentally boring ones too – that she helps me out with, such as logging my business expenses. Her approach is to do a bit each day until the task is done. A regular routine like this can really help with large tasks – like rowing an ocean, for example. How do you eat an elephant? One mouthful at a time.

Along with procrastination, I have also suffered from perfectionism. I’ve had to get over it. There is a saying in the British military, known as the 7 Ps: Perfect Preparation and Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance. I disagree. If I waited until I was 100% prepared, I’d never have made it across an ocean. And I’m afraid to say that my book isn’t perfect either. But sometimes “good enough” is, well, good enough. Which is no excuse for being shoddy. It’s just the recognition that nothing is ever perfect, and by sweating the small stuff you can prevent a project from ever reaching fruition.

For further reading, I can highly recommend David Allen’s “Getting Things Done”. But really, it’s not rocket science. The best way to get things done – is to Just Do It!

- Make a list. If there is anything on the list you can’t do, break it down into smaller steps.

- Rhythm makes life easier – steady working rhythm, regular daily rhythm.

- How do you eat an elephant? One mouthful at a time.

- Don’t waste mental energy asking if you can do something. Just do it. You’ll surprise yourself.

- Life can be magical, but magic only gets you so far. Then you need discipline, determination and dedication.

- A job begun is a job half done

- Perfection is the enemy of productivity

So you’ve found your life purpose – or it has found you. But now it all seems rather daunting and scary. It’s going to require (gasp!) change – and this makes a lot of people uncomfortable.

Getting out of the comfort zone - Roz at Burning Man

This is understandable. There is a primitive part of your brain that doesn’t like change. It reckons that you have survived for this long by doing things a certain way, and if you start doing them a different way, bad things might happen. But by being afraid of death, too many people get to the end and find that they have never lived.

But here is the truth: The only sure thing in life is change, whether you embrace it or not.

Just how secure is your security anyway? Jobs can be lost, houses can burn down, spouses can die, pensions can lose their value. The best security you can have is to be comfortable with insecurity. As the wise one-legged Welsh sailor, Tristan Jones, once wrote, “The only true riches in life are to be found between your ears”.

When I first did my obituary exercise and realised that I was not on track for the life I wanted, I was scared. I knew that it would require radical changes – giving up my job, my salary, and quite likely my marriage and hence my home. So I put my dream away, both literally and metaphorically, and tried to forget it. But it wouldn’t go away. Once I knew it, I couldn’t un-know it. And eventually I had to let go of everything I had ever held dear before I found the freedom to get myself back on track. I had to jump out of the plane and THEN start making my parachute.

Sure, it was scary. Terrifying, in fact. Rowing an ocean pales into insignificance by comparison. But I have never regretted it for a minute. Well, maybe a few minutes here and there, early on, but increasingly I got comfortable with my new lifestyle. What had once seemed like insecurity soon felt like freedom.

And while we’re on the subject, here are some more inspiring quotes:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~ Mark Twain

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” ~ Helen Keller

“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” ~ John A. Shedd

“Nobody ever died wishing they’d spent more time in the office” ~ Anon

And to sum up:

- The only sure thing in life is change, whether you embrace it or not.

- “The only true riches in life are to be found between your ears”. (Tristan Jones)

- Sometimes you have to jump out of the plane and THEN start making your parachute.

- What initially seems like insecurity soon feels like freedom.

This is the first in a new series of blogs, focusing on nine things that I reckoned I’ve learned about how to be happy and healthy. Why nine and not ten? Well, I like threes, so three squared seemed like a good number. And ten is just so very… well, DECIMAL. Ten commandments always seemed to me just a tad too many. So nine it is.

Spreading the message - Roz at Fox 40 in Sacramento this week

My first top tip for having a happy life is to find a purpose, something to get you bouncing out of bed in the mornings eager to get on with the day – or if mornings really aren’t your thing, let’s at least aim for not pulling the covers up over your head and wishing the world would go away.

The purpose doesn’t have to be epic or grand – although as I’ll come to in a later blog, I think that it helps if you have a sense that the purpose is bigger than you are. Depending on your personality, level of ambition, and stage of life, it might be getting your golf handicap down to four, knitting a jacket for a grandchild, or cultivating a prize-winning orchid. The main thing is that it has to be YOURS. And it’s never too late. In fact, finding a purpose late in life is quite possibly the best way to stave off old age and decrepitude. You just won’t have TIME to feel old, and will have too strong a reason to live to allow yourself to die.

Again depending on your personality, I’d recommend making it challenging, but do-able. It should push you just a little bit outside of your comfort zone. This is, by definition, uncomfortable, but trust me – the sense of satisfaction when you have taken on a challenge and achieved it will make this temporary discomfort completely worthwhile. Feel the fear – and do it anyway.

So how do you go about finding it? This is what I did. I imagined I was looking back at my life from my deathbed. What would make me proud of my time on this earth? What would make me feel I had left it a slightly better place than I had found it? And here was the real kicker of a question: was I on track for that kind of a life? If I carried on as I was, living every day as I was now living, would I end up with that kind of a life?

Or not?

The answer didn’t come to me immediately. In fact, it took another few years of asking and waiting. But then, one day, the answer just popped into my head fully formed, and I knew it immediately for what it was. It was my Perfect Project.

How do you know when you have found it? You will feel invigorated, and able to overcome any obstacle. When you’re pursuing it you rapidly get into the zone, losing yourself in your activity. You’ll forget to be shy, hungry, or annoyed about that thing that happened in the office today. It becomes all-consuming. You don’t want to take time out to do anything else.

Which isn’t to say that it will always be easy. But we’ll come to that. Over the coming weeks I’ll do my best to give you some useful tips that will help when the going gets tough.

To sum up today’s Life Purpose Principles:

- Don’t think about growing older. Just focus on growing.

- Link between present action and desired future outcome: am I going where I want to go?

- Don’t do it for others. Do it for yourself.

- Courage comes from having a sense of purpose that is bigger than your fear.

[I'd welcome your feedback on this blog. I've drafted the first 4 of my 9, so I look forward to hearing whether you find this useful before I write my last 5!]

Updated by Rita Savage, Roz’s mother.

After a busy but exciting time in the San Francisco area, Roz now travels to Vancouver for further events.  Later she will return to San Diego and other venues in the States.

Vancouver – Monday Oct 4

Time:  7pm

Location: Lecture theater B101, University of the Fraser Valley, Abbotsford BC. Canada

Cost: $15:00 in advance

Details: Presentation and book signing

Contact:  Roger Friesen, 604-504-7441 ext. 4297, or [email protected]

URL: http://www.ufv.ca/home.htm

Vancouver – Tuesday Oct 5

8am – 10am St.George’s School

12:35 – 1:40 Prince of Wales Secondary School

No members of the public, please!

Vancouver – Wednesday Oct.6

8-10am TV Interview with Fanny Keifer – to be repeated 3 times in the day.

11am – 1pm Visit to Collingwood School – not a public event.

Wednesday, October 6

Time: 6.30 – 9 pm

Location : Maritime Museum http://www.vancouvermaritimemuseum.com/

Details: Fundraising event with Roz.

Welcome Reception featuring generous appies provided by Finest at Sea seafood boutique http://www.finestatsea.com and welcome glass of fine local wine.
Price – minimum $80 donation, payable in advance.  $50 of this will go directly to Roz’s Fundraising Efforts.
To reserve – email [email protected]

San Diego – Thursday Oct 7

Time: 6pm

Location: Birch Aquarium, Expedition Way, San Diego

Cost: being offered free to the public with the generous support of Birch Aquarium, the Center for Marine Biodiversity and Conservation, and the Helen Edison Lecture Series. Donations can be made to Roz through the Donate button on her website

Details:  Light refreshments; presentation and booksigning.

RSVP: Aquarium Special Events

Contact: [email protected]

Minnesota – Sunday Oct. 10

Eagan, Minnesota – An evening with Roz Savage

Time 6.30pm

Location: 1610 Blackhawk Lake Place, Eagan, MN 55122

Cost: Minimum donation $25. Reservations required.

Contact:  Kevin Doheny at [email protected]

URL: http://www.soundmindbodyhealing.com/event_calendar.htm#Roz

Minnesota – Monday Oct.  11th

St.Olaf College, Northfield, Minnesota

Time: 12:15 and again at 1:15

Location: The Valhalla Room. Short presentations plus Q & A

Cost: $5 for students, $10 for everyone else

Contact Kevin Doheny at [email protected]